4th Sunday after the Epiphany Meditation

For many people, the heart of Jesus’ ministry, what he was all about, was most typified in his Sermon on the Mount. That’s where he really spells out what is the Kingdom of God all about, what is the heart of God like.

And the beginning of the Sermon on the Mount is the Beatitudes, that opening prologue, and that’s what he was saying, what we just heard. Blessed are the poor in spirit. Blessed are those who mourn. And so on and so forth.

It’s this very refined, distilled vision of what God cares about. Not just as an act of compassion, but as an expression of what is true. That what Jesus showed us in his ministry is the true reality.

In this world, it’s my opinion, we generally operate by a couple impulses, fear and self-centeredness. Most everything we do is operating out of those impulses, not just with our possessions, but also with our behavior.

So much of our interactions with people, it’s defending ourselves, making sure my opinion is heard, that my way is the right way. So much of the way we engage with our neighbors is trying to interpret them and their behavior to have an opinion. What we do with our possessions is so much about taking care of ourselves.

And Jesus has what scholars call a way of living that is the great reversal. That what he’s showing us of the heart of God is that the way of this world of fear and self-centeredness is totally turned on its head. Instead of fear, it is love and blessing. Instead of getting for myself, it’s giving myself away. And part of that great reversal too is saying who the world regards as great, the popular, the beautiful, the wealthy, the powerful. That gets turned upside down. And who God regards as great.

In this great reversal, in God’s spirit, the ones who are great are the ones most overlooked in this world. The poor, the meek, the peacemakers. Jesus says, this is what matters to God, and the whole way he lived is making that manifest.

And the thing is, we already know it’s true. Even though we all operate out of fear and self-centeredness, every good story we hear in the news is always about when love is happening, when compassion is happening, when the poor are cared for, when the vulnerable are cared for. Our hearts know this is true.

One of those beatitudes is blessed are the peacemakers for they shall be called children of God.

For a while I lived in Northern Ireland during the height of the Troubles. I was part of a ministry of reconciliation there and if you remember in the late 90s that was part of President Clinton’s foreign policy agenda to help create peace in Northern Ireland. And I was there the day he visited and that night he was standing on the steps of City Hall. It was December. It was cold. And all of Northern Ireland, it seemed, had assembled out in a courtyard in front.

And he at one point in his speech said, blessed are the peacemakers, for they will be called children of God. And Belfast erupted. And I had never been more proud to be an American than at that moment.

It was Clinton’s foreign policy agenda in Northern Ireland that did help bring peace with the Good Friday Accords. His visit was a turning point. That speech was the highlight of his visit. And that moment, that quoting of the Beatitudes, was when Belfast and Northern Ireland began to hope.

Our hearts know the truth when they hear it. That the way Jesus lived is the better way.

Of Jesus, we are following this upside-down kingdom that is not simply about being do-gooders, although we must do good. It is more about having a converted mind that begins to believe the truth of this world as Jesus modeled it. That we are one people, not a divided people. That the poor are equals to us, as our kin, not problems to be solved, but our sisters and our brothers.

And in fact, we are poor with them, each in our own way. Throughout this season of Epiphany, different parishioners have been sharing with us stories of ways that they are also uncomfortable in this world, in any number of ways, but how through the grace of God they also can perceive themselves as safe. And so today I’d like to invite Pam Hughes to come and share.

In this moment, I am safe, but uncomfortable. I have enough, and enough is plenty, but I am financially vulnerable.

I may not be proud of all the choices I have made in my life, but I don’t regret them.  I have been employed or self-employed since I was 16.  A good portion of my adult life has been lived paycheck to paycheck.  Most times there was enough to feed everyone and pay the bills.  Sometimes, there was not.

Just after I graduated from high school, my parents moved to Anchorage and told me that if I went with them, they would pay for four years of college and buy me a brand-new car.  My 18-year-old independent self said ‘no thanks’.  I had a job and friends here.  I chose independence over what could have been the beginning of my financial security.

Over the next several years I made other choices that may not have been financially wise.  I chose to get married and start a family.  I stayed home with Megan until she was one year old.  I had to go right back to work after Trevor was born.  I walked away from my marriage with just my babies and one dresser full of our clothes.  I chose my children over financial security.

Through the years that my kids were growing up, I chose to be self-employed.  I started a home daycare and kept the books for a few other small businesses.  When there is no financial security, in my case due to the decisions I had made, every decision becomes a financial one.  How much can I spend on groceries this week?  Which utility bill gets paid on time this month?  Can I afford to buy her a gift, or will she be okay with just a card this year?

I went back to work when my kids were older.  Safe, but uncomfortable.  No savings, no retirement.  When Trevor was still in high school, I agreed to a choice that was made for me, to move my family to another state with the company I worked for.  Within six months, that business failed, we lost the house we had just purchased, and I came home.

Again, I walked away from my marriage.  He got the assets; I took the liabilities, but it was my choice.  This time I chose my safety over any chance of a financially secure future.

That was 20 years ago. I was starting over, in debt and helping Trevor pay for college as much as I could. Safe, but not comfortable.

Around that time, my great aunt passed and left me enough to pay off my debt.  I bought a new car that I am still driving today, and I thought I chose wisely to invest what was left of the inheritance.

I left my job to start a home contracting business with my husband Bill in 2007.  We kept busy until the banking crisis the following year and one day, the phone just stopped ringing.  We lost our business, our only income, and I lost everything I had invested.

Four years later, we started our estate sale company and in 2016 we opened our antique store here in Gig Harbor.  In 2020… Covid shut it all down.  We had no savings, no investments and no income.

Family stepped in and offered to pay me to take care of my grandchildren rather than go out and find a job.  Safe, but not comfortable. Bill continued to do estate cleanouts on a smaller scale and sell online.  Since then, finances have been tight, but we have been paying off our business debts, and enough has been plenty.

In April of last year, when tariff talk was thick, we lost 30% of our online income overnight.  We started looking at our options, knowing we would need to make some tough decisions.

In July I got a phone call from Eric asking if I would like to take on the paid position of Children’s Formation Coordinator.  I said yes, as it was an answer to prayer.  It wasn’t one of the options I had given God to consider, but I was beyond thrilled to be offered the position.  We were once again safe; we would have enough and enough was plenty.

I’ve been receiving my social security benefits for five years now.  Bill is finally old enough to get his.  He got his first check last month.  In two weeks, we will make the final payment on a business debt that we have been paying off over the past five years.  Right now, I can take my dog to the vet and not have to make that gut wrenching decision on whether or not I can afford to have him treated.  Today, in this moment, right now I am safe, but still uncomfortable, because I know that this moment is not sustainable.

My paid staff position with St. John’s is temporary.  My grandbabies have gotten older, I’ve gotten older!  Any changes to Social Security or Medicare could reduce my benefits or raise my costs.  For me, there is no ‘fixed income’.  For those of us living with financial instability due to our own choices, or through no fault of our own, losing a few hundred dollars a month can change how we live our lives.  A thousand dollars and we could lose everything.

The timing is uncertain, but Bill and I do know that with just our Social Security benefits, we will not be able to stay in our house.  We are safe, but uncomfortable and soon, once again, will be financially vulnerable.

In this moment, Bill and I are safe.  We are so very grateful for our family and all of you at St. John’s.  I know that I am loved by God, always have been and always will be; no matter how poorly I have chosen in the past or might choose in the future.  We will be making some hard choices very soon, but we’re looking at this as a new adventure.  We’re excited and terrified at the same time.  We are safe, but uncomfortable.  But I believe that we will always have enough, and enough will be plenty.